These Guys Don’t “Suck”

Elect Bob Carter
Re-Elect Jeremy Kalin,

These Guys Don’t “Suck”
Opinion and Political Commentary by Jonathan P. Glassel

Don’t get your undies in bunch or your panties in a wad.

The term “Sucks,” in its original context has no sexual connotations.

Predating the Napoleonic Wars, stemming from our own American Revolution, the term was originally meant to say sucking air or sucking wind, as with the wheezing sound made when a soldier took a musket ball to the lung. Lying, dieing on the battlefield, the warriors of old would hear the wheezing sound emanating from their lung and say, “that sucks, that really sucks.”

When you get the bill for Mike Robinson’s new jail, after you faint dead away, lying on flat on your back, in shock, you may find yourself uttering the same words, “that sucks, that really sucks.”

Forty Million Dollars ain’t much, if you say it fast.

You will get the bill for all the fiscal irresponsibility floating around Washington and Wall Street, can you really afford another 40 million?

Robinson and Rivard need to get realistic about the funds you have available to support a project of this magnitude.

Quite frankly, we need jobs before jails.

I met Jeremy Kalin shortly after his stunning election victory two years ago.

Jeremy was speaking to the County Board about bringing industry and jobs to Chisago County.
As could be expected, Mike Robinson and the Republican controlled Board were less than enthusiastic about Jeremy’s comments.

I, however, was impressed by the honesty of Jeremy’s naivety.

The local GOP leadership is rich and they represent rich people. They do not want Chisago County cluttered with businesses creating jobs for less than rich people. Jeremy was simply wasting his time. His words fell on deaf Republican ears.

Jeremy has worked hard for the folks of Chisago County. Jeremy understands that we are in tough times.

High gas prices mean we need jobs at home. Jobs in Rush City mean more family time.

More family time will keep our kids off drugs. If our kids aren’t on drugs, we don’t need to build a forty million dollar jail.

Bob Carter is the nicest guy you will ever meet. Bob Carter cares about you and your family.

Bob has not asked for my endorsement, nor is he associated in any way with this newspaper.

I support Bob Carter for Commissioner because Bob feels your pain. Bob wants to help you and Chisago County survive our country’s current financial crisis.

Bob Carter will provide honest, accountable representation for District Five.

You deserve better. Chisago County needs Bob Carter.

Get the facts for yourself, call Bob Carter at 651-674-8790.

Land Grabbin’ Don Taylor and Mike Robinson
Men About Town
Story by Uncle Lars Bob

Land Grabbin’ Don Taylor called Mike Robinson into his office in Chisago City one day and said, "Mike, I have a great idea! I know how we can win back the hearts and minds of Rush City, secure my victory over Kalin this fall so I can annex Wisconsin and you can beat the snot out of Carter."

“Here’s what we do, we'll go down to the Wal-Mart, get some cheezy clothes and shoes like most Rush Citians wear, and then we'll stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador. When we look the part, we'll go to a local bar and show them that we really enjoy the town, and show admiration and respect for the hard working people living there."

A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off for Rush City. With the dog in tow, they walk into a local bar. When they stepped up to the counter, the bartender takes a step back and says, "Aren't you Land Grabbin’ Don Taylor and Commissioner Mike Robinson?"

"Yes we are," says Taylor, "and what a lovely restaurant you have here. We were just passing through and Commissioner Robinson suggested we stop and take in some local color."

They then order a couple of beers and proceed to drink them down, all the while, chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

All of a sudden... the bar door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He walks up to the Labrador, lifts its tail, and looks underneath, shrugs his shoulders and walks out the door.

A few moments later, in comes another old farmer... walks up to the dog, lifts its tail, looks underneath, scratches his head and then leaves the bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually Taylor and Robinson could stand it no longer and called the bartender over.

"Tell me", says Land Grabbin’ Don Taylor, "why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of quaint old Rush City custom?"

"Good Lord no", says the bartender, "Its just that someone had told them there was a Labrador in the bar with two assholes."

A “Minnesota Nice” Sympathy Vote for Mike Robinson Could leave you feeling “Minnesota Stupid” when you get next year’s property tax bill.