The Lone Recycler
Who was that Masked Junkman?
Who was that Masked Junkman?
The days were dark in South County. The writers strike had left the comics out of work. But just when South County thought it would never laugh again, a hero arose to recycle those old jokes and puns. Yes, with 10,000 comedians out of work, Uncle Lars Bob was trying to be funny.
Written by Uncle Lars Bob
Return with us to those thrilling days of yesteryear, to a galaxy far, far away, to the Mythical Planet of Heaven revolving around a star in the remote, outer reaches of the Galaxy of Almond Joy.
It’s story time, boys and girls, but remember, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to our ruling elite or the politically connected is purely coincidental.
In those days, on the mythical planet of Heaven, in the fictional Galaxy of Almond Joy, many women, when her nest becometh empty, after the stress of raising her children had passed, small bony knobs would appear on her head which were known as horns. It was said these women were of the HOB (Horny Old Broads).
A man, when his nest becometh empty after the stress of raising his children had passed, small bony knobs would appear on his head. It was said these men were of the HOJ (Horny Old Jents).
But remember, boy and girls, Horny Old Broads existeth only in Heaven. Checketh not the head of thy Grandmother for lumps.
Now, the HOJ (Horny Old Jents) groweth hair not on the tops of their heads. But hair did groweth with great profusity from their eyebrows, nostrils and ears.
On both days of summer, the HOJ (Horny Old Jents) would tie their hair into a pony tail and braid their eyebrow, nose and ear hair together to form a helmet to protect their bald heads from the harmful UV rays emitted by the sun.
The Hob and the Hoj would dust off their Hogs, motorcycles built by Messrs. Darley and Havidson. The Hob and The Hoj would ride past the Darley Healer, across the Valley of Croix and into the Land of Favre.
Now, many motorcycles were faster and smoother than the Hogs, but the Hob (Horny Old Broads) found the vibration of the Hog to be quite pleasurable, indeed.
In those days, the spouses did celebrate their wedded bliss with the Rites of Marital Poon Tang (Romp). And the spouses did Rompeth in the wood and did Rompeth in the meadow and did Rompeth under the stars in the Land of Favre, as in days of old.
The wife of our hero, empty though her nest be, was not of the HOB. And every year, upon the anniversary of her birth, with great anticipation the Recycler would checketh his spouse’s head for lumps.
Finding no knobs upon her head, his wife did seek to console our hero and sayeth unto him, “Perhaps I will be horny next year.”
Soon after Evil King Gustaf replaced Texas Ranger with a Patsy, the Patsy of Charles, the Patsy became heavy with horn. This old broad was really horny.
These changes did not go unnoticed by the Duke of Rum, and he too, became heavy with horn and spake unto the Patsy, “Thou hath nice shoes, wouldest though like to hump?”
Now, the Patsy and the Duke were married, but not to each other. As such, the lovers could not participate in the Rites of Marital Poon Tang and instead, were said to POP (Partake of Poon Tang).
And the Patsy mounted the Hog, and together with the Duke of Rum, rode past the Darley Healer, across the Valley of Croix and into the Land of Favre. And the Duke poppeth with the Patsy. And they did poppeth in the wood and did poppeth in the meadow and did poppeth under the stars as in days of old.
And the Patsy and the Duke conspired to overthrow the Evil King Gustaf and become King and Queen of South County. And the Duke sayeth unto the Patsy, "Together we will rule South County. Together, we will screweth the peasants (taxpayers) in ways King Gustaf could never imagine. Today South County, tomorrow the world."
But the Patsy and the Duke, did pisseth off the library ladies. And the library ladies spied upon the Patsy and the Duke and took photographs.
And the Patsy and the Duke were sore afraid.
Written by Uncle Lars Bob
Return with us to those thrilling days of yesteryear, to a galaxy far, far away, to the Mythical Planet of Heaven revolving around a star in the remote, outer reaches of the Galaxy of Almond Joy.
It’s story time, boys and girls, but remember, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to our ruling elite or the politically connected is purely coincidental.
In those days, on the mythical planet of Heaven, in the fictional Galaxy of Almond Joy, many women, when her nest becometh empty, after the stress of raising her children had passed, small bony knobs would appear on her head which were known as horns. It was said these women were of the HOB (Horny Old Broads).
A man, when his nest becometh empty after the stress of raising his children had passed, small bony knobs would appear on his head. It was said these men were of the HOJ (Horny Old Jents).
But remember, boy and girls, Horny Old Broads existeth only in Heaven. Checketh not the head of thy Grandmother for lumps.
Now, the HOJ (Horny Old Jents) groweth hair not on the tops of their heads. But hair did groweth with great profusity from their eyebrows, nostrils and ears.
On both days of summer, the HOJ (Horny Old Jents) would tie their hair into a pony tail and braid their eyebrow, nose and ear hair together to form a helmet to protect their bald heads from the harmful UV rays emitted by the sun.
The Hob and the Hoj would dust off their Hogs, motorcycles built by Messrs. Darley and Havidson. The Hob and The Hoj would ride past the Darley Healer, across the Valley of Croix and into the Land of Favre.
Now, many motorcycles were faster and smoother than the Hogs, but the Hob (Horny Old Broads) found the vibration of the Hog to be quite pleasurable, indeed.
In those days, the spouses did celebrate their wedded bliss with the Rites of Marital Poon Tang (Romp). And the spouses did Rompeth in the wood and did Rompeth in the meadow and did Rompeth under the stars in the Land of Favre, as in days of old.
The wife of our hero, empty though her nest be, was not of the HOB. And every year, upon the anniversary of her birth, with great anticipation the Recycler would checketh his spouse’s head for lumps.
Finding no knobs upon her head, his wife did seek to console our hero and sayeth unto him, “Perhaps I will be horny next year.”
Soon after Evil King Gustaf replaced Texas Ranger with a Patsy, the Patsy of Charles, the Patsy became heavy with horn. This old broad was really horny.
These changes did not go unnoticed by the Duke of Rum, and he too, became heavy with horn and spake unto the Patsy, “Thou hath nice shoes, wouldest though like to hump?”
Now, the Patsy and the Duke were married, but not to each other. As such, the lovers could not participate in the Rites of Marital Poon Tang and instead, were said to POP (Partake of Poon Tang).
And the Patsy mounted the Hog, and together with the Duke of Rum, rode past the Darley Healer, across the Valley of Croix and into the Land of Favre. And the Duke poppeth with the Patsy. And they did poppeth in the wood and did poppeth in the meadow and did poppeth under the stars as in days of old.
And the Patsy and the Duke conspired to overthrow the Evil King Gustaf and become King and Queen of South County. And the Duke sayeth unto the Patsy, "Together we will rule South County. Together, we will screweth the peasants (taxpayers) in ways King Gustaf could never imagine. Today South County, tomorrow the world."
But the Patsy and the Duke, did pisseth off the library ladies. And the library ladies spied upon the Patsy and the Duke and took photographs.
And the Patsy and the Duke were sore afraid.
