Obama Deregulates Flea Market!
President Urges Americans to Redistribute the Wealth
Story by Uncle Lars Bob
President Urges Americans to Redistribute the Wealth
Story by Uncle Lars Bob
It has long been the position of Government that “if it moves, tax it, if it still moves, regulate it, if it stops moving, subsidize it.
However, in a startling announcement made before a rare joint session of Congress, President Obama’s plan to deregulate the Flea Market was met with a standing ovation from both sides of the isle.
Unprecedented bipartisan support for the President’s plan is expected.
President Obama spoke, “We must rebuild America’s economy from the ground up. We must encourage the creation of small business enterprises throughout this great country.
We can create jobs by encouraging people to redistribute the wealth that has long languished on shelves in their garages and basements.
The people of this country must be allowed to buy, sell and trade their fleas seven days a week, 365 days a year, well except on Christmas and Fishing Opener, of coarse.”
In ancient times, fleas were transported to market by camels traversing the great Sahara desert to markets near the Mediterranean Sea.
From ports in North Africa, fleas were openly traded throughout known world.
In recent years, due to the Global economy, most fleas entering the United States have been imported from China, though fleas from all countries may be found if one looks hard enough.
The Flea Market fell on hard times during the economic boom of recent decades as it was cheaper to import new fleas from China than to resell pre-owned fleas. As such, many perfectly good fleas met their demise at the landfill.
However, a great many wise investors stored their fleas in attics, basements and garages knowing someone would be able to use those perfectly good fleas, someday.
Though rarely discussed in “polite” circles many leading scientists fear that fleas may be inbreeding.
We all know how that stuff in the corner seems to multiply over time.
This may be attributed to the shortage of “round to its” created by the misguided economic policies of past administrations.
Also at play is Einstein’s lesser known, but most accurate equation, “E=T Squared” which proves time travels exponentially faster as one ages.
The older we get, the faster time flies.
We can remember with great clarity, the events of our childhood, when time traveled slowly. Now that we are older, we cannot remember what we did yesterday as time leaps forward at breakneck speeds.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, Surgeon General Dr. Sanjay Gupta is quietly urging people to take advantage of the down times, finish those projects while “round to its” are in ample supply, get your fleas to the nearest outdoor flea market, rent a booth, get some fresh air, make some money, enjoy the company of other flea marketers, redistribute your wealth and trade those fleas before they can inbreed!
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, this is not a real news story. Its intent is informative humor. Our apologies if we failed to give you a small chuckle. We sincerely hope a visit to our Flea Market will make you smile.
We fix all brands, Sears Craftsman, Montgomery Wards, Ariens, Bolens, Allis Chalmers, Simplicity, Snow Flite, MTD, Murray, Gilson, Spirit, Noma, Toro, Honda, Snapper, Wheel Horse, Briggs and Stratton, Tecumseh, Troy Built, Cub Cadet, John Deere, Jacobson, Homelite, Ford and many others.
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