Glassel Launches Bid for County Commissioner
Uncle Lars Bob sez, “ My Nephew, the one what writes this newspaper, is the clear choice to replace Gustafson as Chisago County District III Commissioner.”
As a general rule, politicians in local elections rarely discuss issues. A local politician, confronted with issues will rarely take a solid stand on the most mundane of topics, not wanting to tip his hand on the political deal making to come after the elections.
Local elections are really just “beauty contests” with the candidates promising you everything and anything to get elected. Glassel is different. Glassel promises to make the local issues as transparent as possible, allowing voters to make intelligent decisions on the issues affecting the good people of Chisago County.
Following are just of the few of the issues Glassel will be discussing in the upcoming campaign.
Voter Mandated Term Limits for all Elected County Officials
A New Jail for Sheriff Rivard?
Creation of Local Jobs and Sustainable Communities
The Highway 8 Corridor through Lindstrom
SoftballGate
Global Warming
MastersGate
Direct Democracy, Can your Politician be replaced with a computer?
County Landfill Problems
Corruption and Cronyism in County Government
Chisago County Taxes Triple in Ten years
Enough is enough!
Glassel will not vote to raise County Taxes, ever!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Lone Recycler--Episode Fourteen
In his youth, King Gustaf was the sole human survivor of a shipwreck and is marooned on a desert island with a pig and a bull mastiff.
A year passes and the King's sexual urges begin to get the better of him, and to his horror he finds himself becoming more attracted to the pig. However, his various attempts at a romantic liaison with the pig are thwarted by the mastiff, which begins to growl menacingly whenever he tries to approach the pig.
On numerous occasions the King finds the pig alone and the moment he begins to undress, the mastiff always appears to spoil his fun.
Two days later a ship sails by and the King lights a signal fire, but to his dismay the ship exploded into flames and sank to the bottom of the sea.
One hour later the King spots a young lady desperately trying to reach the shore and notices a fin approaching behind her. He wades into the water, beats off the shark with a piece of driftwood and drags the woman to safety.
"Thank you," she wails, "you've saved my life. If there is anything I can do for you, anything at all to repay you, I will gladly do it"
He looked earnestly at the woman as a sliver of salt water trickled slowly down her cleavage and said,
"Actually, there is one thing that you could do for me."
The woman looked at him intently, lowered her voice and said, "Anything, anything"
"Right," said the King, "can you take this idiot dog for a walk?
A year passes and the King's sexual urges begin to get the better of him, and to his horror he finds himself becoming more attracted to the pig. However, his various attempts at a romantic liaison with the pig are thwarted by the mastiff, which begins to growl menacingly whenever he tries to approach the pig.
On numerous occasions the King finds the pig alone and the moment he begins to undress, the mastiff always appears to spoil his fun.
Two days later a ship sails by and the King lights a signal fire, but to his dismay the ship exploded into flames and sank to the bottom of the sea.
One hour later the King spots a young lady desperately trying to reach the shore and notices a fin approaching behind her. He wades into the water, beats off the shark with a piece of driftwood and drags the woman to safety.
"Thank you," she wails, "you've saved my life. If there is anything I can do for you, anything at all to repay you, I will gladly do it"
He looked earnestly at the woman as a sliver of salt water trickled slowly down her cleavage and said,
"Actually, there is one thing that you could do for me."
The woman looked at him intently, lowered her voice and said, "Anything, anything"
"Right," said the King, "can you take this idiot dog for a walk?
Lone Recycler--Episode Thirteen
And it came to pass, MOAT (Mother of all Things) did causeth the Duke of Rum to be inflicted with a DWCI (Driving Chariot While Intoxicated). In those days, this was a grave offense, even more grave due to the Duke’s position of great power as servant of the King.
And the King did seek to hideth the Duke’s crime from the peasants (taxpayers). And the Duke was summoned before Rudge Roody in a secret hearing. And Rudge Roody forbade the Duke from driving his own chariot for three weeks.
The Duke of Rum and his driver were cruising along a country road one night after leaving the tavern when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. The Duke told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.About 1 hour later the Duke sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn with lipstick smooches all over his face."What happened to you", asked the Duke.
Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his gorgeous 21 year old daughter ripped my clothes off and kissed me all over my body.
"My God, what did you tell them", asks the Duke of Rum.The driver replies, "I'm the Duke’s driver, and I just killed the pig out on the road"
And the King did seek to hideth the Duke’s crime from the peasants (taxpayers). And the Duke was summoned before Rudge Roody in a secret hearing. And Rudge Roody forbade the Duke from driving his own chariot for three weeks.
The Duke of Rum and his driver were cruising along a country road one night after leaving the tavern when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. The Duke told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened.About 1 hour later the Duke sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn with lipstick smooches all over his face."What happened to you", asked the Duke.
Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his gorgeous 21 year old daughter ripped my clothes off and kissed me all over my body.
"My God, what did you tell them", asks the Duke of Rum.The driver replies, "I'm the Duke’s driver, and I just killed the pig out on the road"
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