Land Grabbing Don Taylor Shipwrecked

Land Grabbing Don Taylor Shipwrecked!

Chisago City Mayor Don Taylor,

State Representrative Jeremy Kalin Opponent

Stranded on Desert Isle

Story by Uncle Lars Bob

In his youth, Don Taylor was the sole human survivor of a shipwreck and was marooned on a desert island with a pig and a bull mastiff.

A year passes and Don's sexual urges begin to get the better of him, and to his horror he finds himself becoming more attracted to the pig. However, his various attempts at a romantic liaison with the pig are thwarted by the mastiff, which begins to growl menacingly whenever he tries to approach the pig.

On numerous occasions Don finds the pig alone and the moment he begins to undress, the mastiff always appears to spoil his fun.

Two days later a ship sails by and Don lights a signal fire, but to his dismay the ship exploded into flames and sank to the bottom of the sea.

One hour later Taylor spots a young lady desperately trying to reach the shore and notices a fin approaching behind her. He wades into the water, beats off the shark with a piece of driftwood and drags the woman to safety.

"Thank you," she wails, "you've saved my life. If there is anything I can do for you, anything at all to repay you, I will gladly do it"

He looked earnestly at the woman as a sliver of salt water trickled slowly down her cleavage and said, "Actually, there is one thing that you could do for me."

The woman looked at him intently, lowered her voice and said, "Anything, anything"

"Right," says Don, "would you take this idiot dog for a walk?"

When politicians chase pork, they often forget about the people.

Glassel, Gustafson

Glassel, Gustafson
Likely To Win September Primary,
Carpet Baggers, Land Grabbers, Big City Politicians Not Expected to Advance

As the story goes, Curt Flug, during his 2004 bid to unseat Bob Gustafson as County Commissioner inquired of the “Old Timers” hanging around Poik’s Barber Shop in Lindstrom about his chances of winning the election.

One of the “Old Timers” reportedly replied, “With a name like Flug, you couldn’t get elected dogcatcher in this county. If you changed your name to Flugson or Flugberg, you just might get yourself elected dogcatcher.”

In reality, it is not the lack of a Scandinavian surname that defeated Flug. We regularly elect people with such odd names as Montzka, Reiter, Rueter, Greene and Walker to public office.

In 2004, Flug won the Primary with about 400 votes to Gustafson’s 350, yet Flug got clobbered in the General Election, losing to a scandal plagued Bob Gustafson by 1,000 votes when 5,000 votes were cast.

Flug did Ok in some areas, however, when it came down to the “nut cutting” the locals held their collective noses and re-elected Gustafson, the candidate with local roots.

Glassel and Gustafson were raised and attended school locally. Flug and the other candidates are relative newcomers to the area, and without local roots, or a concept of what it means to be local, will have difficulty selling themselves to the vast majority of residents within the district, whether those residents live in town or in the township.

98% of the people who have moved to Chisago County did so to escape the inbred bureaucracy of big city life. They adopt, and are adopted by the local residents, quickly becoming one of “us.” The remaining 2% are intent upon bringing the inbred bureaucracy of the big city to us local “hicks” and become one of “them.”

While Glassel is clearly one of “us,” Gustafson was a “no show” when Lindstrom businesses needed protection from “them,” i.e. Flug and Company. Gustafson is a savvy career politician, wants to keep his job and is not about to enrage the “whining minority” that controls City Hall by taking a stand for “us”.

We have good quality of life in Chisago County. While our villages and countryside are beautiful and picturesque, it is the tough, resilient and independent nature of our residents that gives our community its “rural flair.”

This fact is totally lost on Flug and the others who seek to saddle “us” with more inbred, big city bureaucracy.

Unfortunately, it is our rural nature that keeps “us” out of politics and allows “them” to gain power. 98% of us live in Chisago County because we mind our own business and don’t like being told what to do.

Consequently we abhor the thought of “sticking our nose where it don’t belong” by telling others what to do or what not to do. So, we stay out of politics, leaving ourselves vulnerable to the Carpet Baggers, Land Grabbers and Big City Politicians.

Not so long ago, a Carpet Bagger came from the West. Coveting his neighbor’s property and tax base, the Land Grabber “sucked up” to the local purveyors of inbred bureaucracy and became Mayor of Chisago City.

The unsuspecting residents of Wyoming Township had built a quiet, peaceful and profitable community without help from the inbred elite. Taxes were low, services were good and all was well.

Chris DuBose brought strange new words to us country “hicks.” Hostile and Annexation. While annexation was nothing new, to force one’s will upon another was, for lack of a better word, hostile and did not sit well with a majority of the locals.

Most of us living in Chisago County, whether living in town or township, consider ourselves “Country.” We “tote our own water.” Excepting when a neighbor needs help, we stick to ourselves and stay out of politics.
DuBose knew this and used our “rural flair” against us. With chicanery, lawyers and the courts, most of Wyoming Township was annexed to Chisago without a vote by the people affected.

After annexing an area larger than itself, over the objections of both city and township residents, DuBose wisely chose not to seek reelection as Mayor. After a two year hiatus from elected office, DuBose now seeks to abuse power while representing us “country hicks” at the county level.

Pilgrim, that dog ain’t gonna hunt in these here parts!

During the past 18 years, Gustafson has built his power base by handing out millions of your tax dollars to few select governmental and quasi governmental agencies.

If God, Himself was running for County Commissioner in District Three, “Boondoggle” Bob Gustafson would still get 300 votes at the primary.

The 2%, the inbred elitists may be able to coerce 600 people to vote for Flug, DuBose, McMahon or Stignani leaving Glassel to find just 300 new voters.

Flug, DuBose, McMahon or Stignani cannot defeat Gustafson in November, leaving “us” to endure four more years of the stench of “Good Ole Boy” Politics.

You Can do something about it, vote for Glassel at the Primary on September 9th.

Glassel Stands For Chisago County, Glassel Stands for You!
Will You Stand With Glassel on September 9th?

Just 300 Votes Will Return Chisago County to You!
Together, we will build a better county
for our children and our children’s children.

I’m Jonathan P. Glassel, and I approved this message. Actually, as most of you know, I wrote it, too.

What the “BLEEEEEEP” Does a County Commissioner Do?

What the “BLEEEEEEP” Does a County Commissioner Do?
Story by Uncle Lars Bob

Chisago County has 50,000 residents. The County is divided into five Districts of about 10,000 people each.

Each District elects one representative, called a County Commissioner to the Board of Commissioners.

Basically, the County Board is a legislative body. As with any legislative body, its main purpose is the redistribution of wealth. In other words, it takes money from you and gives it to someone else.

The taxpayers hire (elect) five ordinary schmucks to take about 56 million hard earned dollars away from you, and spend it.

The current board consists of a truck driver, a career politician, a lawyer and two farmers.

As you might guess, a commissioner is like a guy who just won the lottery. He has many friends, all of whom want your taxpayer dollars.

These friends are known as lobbyists and are already paid by you, the taxpayer, to run various departments in County Government.

As you might guess, every department head wants to bring home the “bacon.”

As a Commissioner, this is the perfect opportunity to extract politic loyalty from the department heads, by giving your tax dollars to them.

This builds a Commissioner’s political power base to assure his or her own reelection.

As a Commissioner, it is very important to gain the favor of the County Attorney and the Sheriff.

If you think the County Attorney may prosecute you for your illegal contracts with the County, you should give her a big raise to assure her loyalty.

If the Sheriff is covering up your arrest for drunken driving, you may have to build a new forty million dollar jail to keep him on your side. After all, a DUI could be disastrous for your political career.

However, the Sheriff and County Attorney are at your disposal should you need to investigate, intimidate, harass or prosecute your political enemies.

A Commissioner is paid twenty seven grand a year. Not bad for a part time gig. You also get paid mileage and per diem for every county function you attend, plus free medical and dental coverage and a pension, all paid for by the taxpayer.

But the biggest perk is the monthly MCA (Minnesota County Association) meetings.

You actually get paid to attend a drunken orgy. The taxpayers pay for the County’s membership and you get free booze, all you can drink.

Of coarse, you wouldn’t want to risk another DUI, so you stay in the swankiest downtown hotels and run up a $500 tab on your County Credit card.

It’s also a good time to escape the “old ball and chain,” carry on extramarital affairs and spend some quality time with other drunken commissioners at the expense of the taxpayers.

But the best part of being a commissioner is the retaliation you can levy against your opponent’s supporters.

You get to instruct the tax assessor to reevaluate the property of all those folks foolish enough to put out yard signs for your opponents. To the victor goes the spoils.
I wish I could find a punch line for this story, but it’s really not very funny, is it?

Return Integrity to the County Board

Vote for Glassel on September 9th.