Lone Recycler--Episode Four

Episode Four

And it came to pass, King Gustaf of Teflon did awaketh the mighty GOG (Guppies of Gustaf) and on Sacred Day the GOG did smite Texas Ranger and did sendeth her packing unto Real World and did replaceth Texas Ranger with a Patsy, The Patsy of Charles as commanded by the King.

And The Nairy of Goreen was sore afraid.

But the King did make merry with Enis, the Duke of Rum and Darth Garbage, the Lord Vader of Trash and Darth’s henchmen, Fearless Leader, Keeper of the Peasant’s Landfill and Darth’s Evil Genius, Mad Scientist.

“For this is great day,” spake the King. “The Patsy of Charles will giveth the Peasant’s Landfill to thee, Darth Garbage and I will retireth to the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida) at thy expense.

“Yes, yes it is a good day, indeed,” spake Fearless Leader. “For Nazis, Commies and Fascists across Big Pond composteth their organics and do recycleth their trash which reduceth methane. Now we will produceth more methane to reach the “Tipping Point” of Heavenly Heating.

Only then can we achieveth Darth’s Evil Plan for Global Domination Through Heavenly Heating (DEPFGDTHH).”

Darth’s Evil Genius, Mad Scientist did developeth plans for a machine that turneth all garbage, not just organics, into methane, a gas of greenhouse 23 times more powerful than carbon dioxide.

The Peasant’s Garbage wouldeth be sliced, diced and formed into Magic Hockey Pucks (MHP’s). The Hockey Pucks couldeth then be heated to a kazillion degrees and molecules would fairly pop as though one did poppeth popcorn and would turneth all garbage into methane far more quickly than burying the garbage in the ground, as was the custom in those days.

For, in those days, methane from landfills was the greatest source of greenhouse gases which did causeth Heavenly Heating.

Though the King careth not, he did asketh The Lord Vader of Trash (just to make conversation), “How wilt thy plan of Global Domination through Heavenly Heating work?”

“It be quite simple, Gustaf. We sendeth our methane into the sky, the methane trappeth heat from the sun, Heaven heats up and the Ice Caps melteth. Sea levels riseth by several hundred feet and createth a new coastline where my lackeys do purchaseth land.

Indeed, I will own all the land along the new coastlines of Heaven and I will become a Real Estate Typhoon greater than the Donald of Trump.”

Whereupon, Mad Scientist did showeth the King a map of Heaven’s new land mass and the King did speaketh, “But the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida) is no more, for thou hast flooded it.”

“Pray thy retirement be soon and short,” did speak Mad Scientist.

“A toast to the King”, speaketh Enis, the Duke of Rum, “May thy retirement be soon and short.”

“May thy retirement be soon and short,” spake Darth Garbage, The Lord Vader of Trash as he toasteth the King.

“May thy retirement be soon and short,” echoed Fearless Leader, the Keeper of the Peasant’s Landfill.

And a tear did falleth from the King’s eye and the King did speak, “It is not easy being thine King. Thy kindness and generosity maketh it all worthwhile. Thou art truly good and faithful servants.”

And Darth did speaketh, “In your honor, Gustaf, henceforth the Peasant’s Landfill will be known as King’s Landfill and Pucks (KLAP). Henceforth, Fearless Leader shall be known as the Head of KLAP.”

And KLAP Head was greatly moved and did vow undying loyalty to Darth and his Evil Plan for Global Domination.