The Return
of
The Lone Recycler
Who was that Masked Junkman?
The days were dark in South County. The writers strike had left the comics out of work. But just when South County thought it would never laugh again, a hero arose to recycle those old jokes and puns. Yes, with 10,000 comedians out of work, Uncle Lars Bob was trying to be funny.
Written by Uncle Lars Bob
Return with us to those thrilling days of yesteryear, to a galaxy far, far away, to the Mythical Planet of Heaven revolving around a star in the remote, outer reaches of the Galaxy of Almond Joy.
It’s story time, boys and girls, but remember, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to our ruling elite or the politically connected is purely coincidental.
Please read responsibly. Eating or drinking while reading the comic section of this paper is strongly discouraged as wild fits of laughter could cause choking or other injuries. This paper is meant to be enjoyed by mature audiences as those under 12 may not get the punch lines anyway.
Written by Uncle Lars Bob
Return with us to those thrilling days of yesteryear, to a galaxy far, far away, to the Mythical Planet of Heaven revolving around a star in the remote, outer reaches of the Galaxy of Almond Joy.
It’s story time, boys and girls, but remember, this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to our ruling elite or the politically connected is purely coincidental.
Please read responsibly. Eating or drinking while reading the comic section of this paper is strongly discouraged as wild fits of laughter could cause choking or other injuries. This paper is meant to be enjoyed by mature audiences as those under 12 may not get the punch lines anyway.
Episode One
And it came to pass, that in the twelfth year of his rule, evil King Gustaf of Teflon, decreed that all the peasants of the mythical land of South County be taxed heavily to pay for the King’s Boondoggle and Mis-adventures in the Garbage Business.
Unbeknownst to the peasants (taxpayers), the King plans to give the peasant’s landfill to Darth Garbage, the evil Lord Vader of Trash in exchange for retirement in the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida).
Lord Trash feared the fulfillment of ancient prophesies that spoke of a Recycler from the land of Deep South who would raise a mighty army of recyclers to overthrow his empire of waste.
Darth knew he must act quickly, for King Gustaf held power only through control of the GOG (Guppies of Gustaf). And the GOG grew older and weaker each day, as did the King.
Surely the day of his abdication would come soon and retirement weighed heavily upon the King’s mind.
Darth knew he must act quickly, for King Gustaf held power only through control of the GOG (Guppies of Gustaf). And the GOG grew older and weaker each day, as did the King.
Surely the day of his abdication would come soon and retirement weighed heavily upon the King’s mind.
The King conspires with the Enis, the Duke of Rum.
“Thy plan hath failed,” sayeth the Duke to the King. “if I go to the dungeon, I swear on this can of beer, thou wilt go with me.”
“Easy, my rotund friend. Neither you nor I will ever see the inside of a dungeon,” speaketh the King. “We have suffered a minor setback, nothing more.”
“At your behest, Gustaf, I gaveth away the peasants landfill. The Nairy of Goreen discovered my deceit and squealeth to Barrister of Integrity. Now Barrister, Texas Ranger and Dubolee seeketh my head on a platter and my buttocks in the dungeon.
I feareth my crime be not as great as my friend and mentor who rotteth at Country Club Prison in the Land of Favre. I feareth I will rot in the Dungeon of Still Waters.”
“Feareth not, Fat One. I haveth a new plan. Sacred Day cometh on the First Tuesday of November. We will replaceth Texas Ranger with a Patsy, a Patsy who will do our bidding.
“Feareth not, Fat One. I haveth a new plan. Sacred Day cometh on the First Tuesday of November. We will replaceth Texas Ranger with a Patsy, a Patsy who will do our bidding.
“Arrgh, but where will we find such a Patsy.”
“The Patsy of Charles will serve us well, my friend,” sayeth the King.
“Ahhh, the Patsy of Charles is from the Land of GLOB (Good Looking Old Broads) spake the Duke of Rum.
Seeing the lust in the Duke’s eyes, the King speaketh, “Yes, Duke, you must woo her. Convince her that we cometh from the Land of Integrity and Honesty. She will give the landfill to Darth Garbage and never be the wiser. She art thou “Get Out of Dungeon Free Card” and my ticket to retirement in the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida).”
“Thou art truly brilliant my Liege, with Texas Ranger gone, we can eliminate the Nairy of Goreen once and for all.
Lord Vader of Trash liketh not to recycle and liketh the Nairy even less.
Truly, we killeth two birds with one stone.”
Truly, we killeth two birds with one stone.”
Shopping Locally
Saves Gas and
Reduces Greenhouse Emissions
Saves Gas and
Reduces Greenhouse Emissions
No comments:
Post a Comment