Episode Five
For a fortnight the Duke of Rum did drinketh and make merry over the defeat of Texas Ranger, his mortal enemy.
When finally his hangover did go away, the Duke did approacheth the King to terminate the Nairy of Goreen who had been protected by Texas Ranger.
As a friend of Texas Ranger, the Nairy was an enemy of the Duke. As the Duke was a friend of King Gustaf, the King must also be an enemy of the Nairy, as this was the way of politics in South County in those days.
But the King did sayeth, “I senseth a tremor in this farce. Darth feareth the fulfillment of ancient prophesies that a recycler from Deep South will overthrow his Empire of Waste.
We may needeth the Nairy to discredit the Recycler of Naïve.
Let us give the Nairy, as a gift, to the Lord Vader of Trash.”
And the King and the Duke did summoneth the Nairy and did asketh the Nairy, “Wouldest thou like to join Texas Ranger in Real World?”
Though the Nairy liketh not the King or the Duke and did nearly puketh at the thought of discrediting his friend, the Recycler of Naïve, the Nairy did ask, “As I am with Spouse, may I discuss this matter with Spouse, for it is Law of Heaven that important decisions be discussed with Spouse.”
And the King did giveth the Nairy 24 hours to confer with Spouse as provided by law.
The Nairy did telleth his Spouse of his desire to join Texas Ranger in Real World.
“Dearest Nairy, thou hast never done well in Real World. If my Great Uncles’ cousin’s half sister’s spouse had not gotten you this job, we would have starved to death over these many years thou hast been in the King’s service.
Dearest Nairy, thou must live to fight another day.”
And so with fortitude supplied by his spouse, the Nairy did agree to the King’s wishes.
The King and the Duke did seek to proveth the Nairy’s resolve and did ask of him, “If Darth Garbage sayeth “Jump,” what will be thy response be?”
“How high, my Lord Vader of Trash!” spake the Nairy.
“And if the Lord Vader of Trash say crappeth?”
“I will say, What color and how much, Lord Garbage!”
And so, it came to pass, for thirty pieces of silver and his ticket to the Land of Comfort and Ease, the Nairy did selleth his ecological soul to Darth Garbage, the evil Lord Vader of Trash and did giveth his environmental spine to King Gustaf of Teflon.
Now, one might wonder how the Nairy could even walk without a backbone.
Verily, I say unto thee, if not for the strings held by Darth Garbage, the Nairy would surely have fallen into a crumpled mass.
But, in his soul of souls, the Nairy longed to recycle and to save the world from Heavenly Heating. He could only hope that one Sacred Day, Texas Ranger would returneth and would returneth with her, the Nairy’s spine.
When finally his hangover did go away, the Duke did approacheth the King to terminate the Nairy of Goreen who had been protected by Texas Ranger.
As a friend of Texas Ranger, the Nairy was an enemy of the Duke. As the Duke was a friend of King Gustaf, the King must also be an enemy of the Nairy, as this was the way of politics in South County in those days.
But the King did sayeth, “I senseth a tremor in this farce. Darth feareth the fulfillment of ancient prophesies that a recycler from Deep South will overthrow his Empire of Waste.
We may needeth the Nairy to discredit the Recycler of Naïve.
Let us give the Nairy, as a gift, to the Lord Vader of Trash.”
And the King and the Duke did summoneth the Nairy and did asketh the Nairy, “Wouldest thou like to join Texas Ranger in Real World?”
Though the Nairy liketh not the King or the Duke and did nearly puketh at the thought of discrediting his friend, the Recycler of Naïve, the Nairy did ask, “As I am with Spouse, may I discuss this matter with Spouse, for it is Law of Heaven that important decisions be discussed with Spouse.”
And the King did giveth the Nairy 24 hours to confer with Spouse as provided by law.
The Nairy did telleth his Spouse of his desire to join Texas Ranger in Real World.
“Dearest Nairy, thou hast never done well in Real World. If my Great Uncles’ cousin’s half sister’s spouse had not gotten you this job, we would have starved to death over these many years thou hast been in the King’s service.
Dearest Nairy, thou must live to fight another day.”
And so with fortitude supplied by his spouse, the Nairy did agree to the King’s wishes.
The King and the Duke did seek to proveth the Nairy’s resolve and did ask of him, “If Darth Garbage sayeth “Jump,” what will be thy response be?”
“How high, my Lord Vader of Trash!” spake the Nairy.
“And if the Lord Vader of Trash say crappeth?”
“I will say, What color and how much, Lord Garbage!”
And so, it came to pass, for thirty pieces of silver and his ticket to the Land of Comfort and Ease, the Nairy did selleth his ecological soul to Darth Garbage, the evil Lord Vader of Trash and did giveth his environmental spine to King Gustaf of Teflon.
Now, one might wonder how the Nairy could even walk without a backbone.
Verily, I say unto thee, if not for the strings held by Darth Garbage, the Nairy would surely have fallen into a crumpled mass.
But, in his soul of souls, the Nairy longed to recycle and to save the world from Heavenly Heating. He could only hope that one Sacred Day, Texas Ranger would returneth and would returneth with her, the Nairy’s spine.
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