Lone Recycler--Episode Nine

Episode Nine

And it came to pass, that the King’s Administrator, Sir John of Bullwinkle spake to the King, “Sire, sire, the peasants (taxpayers) are revolting.” And the King sayeth, “You’re telling me? They stink on ice.”

“Pray tell,” spake the King,” what do the peasants say about your King?”

“The peasants say thou eateth crap and bark at the moon,” spake Bullwinkle.

“And how did thee respond?”

“I spake to the peasants, Nay, nay, nay, I have spent many nights with the Your Majesty and never once have I seen the King bark at the moon.”

“What else do the peasants say about your King?” spake King Gustaf.

“They say thou eateth crap sandwiches, but I told them of thine distaste for bread.”

“The Peasants say you smell and I said, like chit you do.”

Whereupon the King thanked Bullwinkle for his loyalty and at his urging, King Gustaf and Enis, The Duke of Rum decided to go unto South County to win back the hearts and minds of the peasants (taxpayers) before Sacred Day.

And the King spake unto the Duke, "Let us depart unto Wal-Mart, get some cheezy clothes and shoes like the peasants (taxpayers) wear, and then we'll stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador Retriever.

When we look the part, we'll go to a nice old country bar somewhere in South County and show the peasants (taxpayers) that we really enjoy this land and show admiration and respect for the Caucasian Refuse (White Trash) living there."

A few days later, all decked out and with the requisite Labrador at heel, they set off from The Great Hall of Royal Buttock Kissing in a westerly direction. Walking down the street they spot a vicious looking Rottweiler, vigorously licking his private parts.

The Duke looks at the chained dog and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that!"

Gustaf turneth to his friend and spake "Do you think that dog would let you?, he looks quite ferocious, perhaps if thou wouldest pet him first.”

Eventually they arriveth at Smitty’s Bar, just the place they were seeking.

With the dog in tow, they walk into a bar. When they stepped up to the bar, the bartender takes a step back and says, "Aren't you Evil King Gustaf and The Duke of Rum?"

"Yes we are", says Gustaf "and what a lovely town you have here. We were just passing through and the Duke suggested we stop and take in some local color."

As the King was a Dunker, he ordered Grape Juice while the Duke consumed large quantities of beer, all the while, chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.

All of a sudden... the bar room door opens and a grizzled old farmer comes in. He walks up to the Labrador, lifts its tail, and looks underneath, shrugs his shoulders and walks out the door.

A few moments later, in comes another old farmer... walks up to the dog, lifts its tail, looks underneath, scratches his head and then leaves the bar.

Over the course of the next hour or so, another four or five farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and went away looking puzzled.

Eventually Gustaf and the Duke could stand it no longer and called the bartender over.

"Tell me", says the King, "why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it some sort of quaint old custom?"

"Good Lord no", said the bartender. "Its just that someone had told them there was a Labrador Retriever in this bar with two Assholes!"