Lone Recycler--Episode Seven

Episode Seven

And the Nairy was called to testify before The Patsy of Charles and the Nairy did sayeth, “When I was protected by Texas Ranger, I did opposeth giving the Peasant’s Landfill to Darth Garbage, the Lord Vader of Trash, but since the GOG (Guppies of Gustaf) replaceth Texas Ranger with a Patsy, the Patsy of Charles, I did selleth my ecological soul to Darth Garbage and did giveth my environmental backbone to the King for 30 pieces of silver and a ticket to retirement in the Land of Comfort and Ease by way of my pension for which the King doth taketh money from the Peasants (taxpayers), I now say, thou hath my blessing to giveth away the Peasant’s Landfill to Darth Garbage.”

And the Patsy did sayeth unto the Head of DICK (Department of Invironment by Command of the King )(the King was no great speller),

“Dick Head, thou art a good and faithful servant of the King, thou wilt truly find thy reward in the Land of Comfort and Ease.”

And the Patsy did giveth the Peasant’s Landfill to Darth Garbage, the Evil Lord Vader of Trash.

Which did pisseth off the Oracle and she did speak through the Recycler of Naïve and the Oracle did say, “Nairy, Nairy why hast thou forsaken me?

For thirty pieces of silver thou hast forsaken the Mother of All Things (MOAT), henceforth thou shalt be known as Nairy of Iscariot!”

And the Nairy did hangeth his head in shame.

And the Oracle did speak unto the King and all assembled in the Great Hall of Royal Buttock Kissing (GHORBK),

“Thou must let the people recycle!”

But the King did rebuketh the Mother of All Things (MOAT) and did say, “Be gone from us Witch, for on this day we have duped the Patsy of Charles into giving the Peasant’s Landfill to the evil Lord Vader of Trash and I will retire to the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida).”

And the Duke of Rum did sayeth, “Be gone from us Witch, for on this day we have duped the Patsy of Charles into giving the Peasant’s Landfill to the evil Lord Vader of Trash and the King will retire to the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida), pray his retirement be soon and short.”

And the Patsy of Charles did sayeth, “Be gone from us Witch, for on this day we have d…ddd.... dooooo… doooo …ooped the Paaaa…..tsy of Charrrrr……..rles into giving the Peasant’s Landfill to the evil Lord Vader of Trash and the King will retire to the Land of Comfort and Ease (Florida),” for the King had instructed the Patsy to repeateth whatever the Duke sayeth.

Once again the Oracle did speak, “Thou must let the people recycle!”

The Duke of Rum did throweth an empty beer can onto the floor and did sayeth, “Recycle this!”

And the aluminum can did turneth into a silvery serpent and all in the Great Hall were truly amazed.

Whereupon the mighty Oracle did command the Recycler to cast his Recycler’s Staff of Aluminum onto the floor. And the staff did turneth into a Terrier, the reincarnation of Benny of Yorkshire and the dog did devoureth the Duke’s silvery serpent.

Many in the Great Hall were spellbound and did say to the Recycler, “Truly, MOAT (Mother Of ALL Things) is with thee.”

Benny of Yorkshire did fairly leap onto the Tribunal and did drinketh the Duke’s beer and did devoureth all the cans of aluminum, did belcheth and did sayeth unto the Duke, “Thy beer tasteth like camel piss.”

Whereupon the Aluminum Dog did lifteth his leg and did pisseth on the King’s left foot and did pisseth on the King’s right foot and did then humpeth upon the Patsy’s right leg and did then humpeth upon the Patsy’s left leg.

When the King did finally catch the Terrier he did cast the dog onto the floor at the feet of the Recycler. But the dog did return to the shape of the staff and all in the Great Hall of Royal Buttock Kissing were amazed.

Many did vow to composteth their garbage and recycle their trash that very day.

But the King did sayeth as he wipeth the dog piss from his royal shoes, using the Patsy’s cloak, “These are cheap parlor tricks, nay, nay, nay, I will not let the people recycle.”

Once again the Oracle did speaketh, “I will visit thee with a host of plagues and surely thou wilt let the people recycle,” and the Oracle did cause the King to be smitten with hemorrhoids.

“Hemorrhoids, schemorrhoids,” sayeth the King, “as long as Darth payeth for my retirement in the Land of Comfort and Ease, I careth not.”

“Hemorrhoids, schemorrhoids,” sayeth the Duke, “as long as Darth payeth for my King’s retirement in the Land of Comfort and Ease, I careth not. May the King’s retirement be soon and short.”

“Hemorrhoids, schemorrhoids,” sayeth the Patsy, “as loooo…….ooong as Darth payee….eeeth for my Kiiii……ing’s retirement in the Land of Comfort and Ease, I careth not. May the King’s retirement be soon and short.”

And all in the Great Hall did toast the King, “Hail evil King Gustaf, may thy retirement be soon and short.”

But one should not messeth with the Mother of All Things and she did smite the Duke of Rum with DCWI’s (Driving Chariot While Intoxicated) and did smite the Patsy of Charles with an evil facial twitch.

And the Oracle did causeth the King to be smitten with Cooties, Cooties of the Crotch.

The Duke and the Patsy did immediately causeth Dubolee to sitteth at the King’s right hand and the Barrister of Integrity to sitteth at the King’s left hand lest one of the little critters did jumpeth from the King onto them.

However, the Barrister and Dubolee did quickly checketh their Google and did order a natural Cootie repellant from the Recycler’s brother in Deep South, www.cedarcide.com and were spared infestation from the King’s Crotch Cooties.

And word of the king’s infestation spread throughout the land.

As was the custom in those days, most men (and some women) did weareth beards and other hairy facial appendages and would no longer come forth to kiss the King’s rosy, red and royal buttocks fearing to tell their spouses they catcheth Cooties, Cooties of the Crotch from the King, the people came forth not to kiss the King’s rosy, red and royal buttocks and the King taketh not money from the Peasants (taxpayers).

And the King did dwelleth on Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel.

Glassel for Commissioner